.

Birthing the Brats

2010-10-04T20:21:00.000-07:00

“Let’s wait until we have more money”

“We would have to have more space”

“There is so much other stuff going on right now, let it slow down first”

“I am not ready for stretch marks”

If you have kids, this discussion happened in some form or fashion. Having a derby baby has so many of the same fears and concerns. Just like your own kids, you want them to have it better than you. You hope to shield them from the hurt and heartache life can bring. You want to give them all the things you wanted and did not get. But wait a second, this is roller derby. This is “Whip It” not “Juno”. This is a sport based on the things we protect kids against every hour of the day: pushing and shoving, falling down, bullying, wearing mismatched socks.

Let’s address these “hopes and fears”.

NEED MORE MONEY: We will need to forego the diamond studded jump plates on our skates and cashmere lined uniforms this season. Cubic Zirconia has the same sparkle, no one will know the difference as you knock the jammer into the fourth row of the audience.

NEED MORE SPACE: The derby track stays the same shape and size, that is a dumb concern.

TOO MUCH GOING ON: We are going to skate more with people who love skating, nothing else is better than that. Another dumb concern on our part.

STRETCH MARKS: In a life filled with “did I seriously eat that half gallon of Rocky Road while watching Mad Men?” the stretch marks were already there.

When we first saw the Tucson Derby Brats premier during the Summer of 2007, we were enamored. Not the “wow, those are some amazing sequined leg warmers” enamored that derby girls often feel. It was the “this is going to make our sport and these girls lives better” rumble in our souls. When we saw the first “graduate” of the Tucson Derby Brats, Pixie Stix, go from the junior league into the adult league and she was AMAZING from the first whistle, we knew we needed to do this. As we have got to know the Tucson Derby Brats through the years and watch them grow as skaters and mature into these self assured, strong ladies we wish were our own kids, we knew we had to do this. As many of us reflect back on the black abyss that resembles the BP oil spill known as our own teenage years and have the opportunity to give these girls something to make this a sparkling time in their lives, we are doing this.

What makes a Derby Brat? Be 12 to 17 years old and you want to play roller derby. That’s it. We will teach you how to skate for derby. You are not a star athlete? Lots of skaters (lots of GREAT skaters) have never played an organized sport *until this. You don’t know how to skate very well? Some of the longest playing skaters in our league were “wall crawlers” when they joined, they literally crept along the rink wall holding on for dear life taking a few steps at a time. Tryouts are lame and those girls would have been cut from other leagues. But our league believes this sport was built for anyone who wants to put in the heart and sweat and we have proven over and over it is. If you want to do this, you will. You are shy? Throwing on some knee socks with skulls and a helmet that says “part-time ninja” will make you an assassin on the track. You are not an athletic shape and size? Derby needs all shapes and sizes to have a great team. Some of us are wrecking ball blockers, some are medium sized spider monkeys, others are tinkerbell jammers that fit through tiny spaces. No matter what position you play, you get to be a derby girl.

Here is where to sign up:

http://castle-sports.ezleagues.ezfacility.com/leagues/83288/Phoenix-Derby-Brats.aspx

You can also Like us on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Phoenix-Derby-Brats/117660108268543?ref=sgm

And the PHX Derby Brats Website:

http://www.phxderbybrats.com/

-French Lyck

Join AZRD

2010-09-16T14:27:00.000-07:00

On a previous post, a reader posted a comment asking about what is needed to join AZRD. So, for those that are interested, here's the details.

If you have no experience with derby, email Boogie and Queen Robot, our new girl specialists at join (at) azrollerderby.com for times and the address to our warehouse, to come watch a practice and get an idea of what derby is about. There is limited loaner gear availability, so it might be possible to skate at a practice and see if you like it.

First off, skaters of all ability and fitness levels are welcome. I'm one of those people who attempted to avoid gym class at all costs, and have dabbled in various types of exercise, trying to find something I like; the only shape I'm in is round. The league has skaters who run marathons and triathlons, hockey players, at least one rock climber, and serious athletes of various stripes who are fit to be jammers the minute they put their skates on. There are people who haven't been on skates since they were twelve. Practices are held for every skill level, including a Monday practice for beginners. One of the things I like about AZRD is that everyone is welcome to practice, even if they are not ready to be drafted to a team, and everyone is encouraged to work on their endurance and skills until they get where they need to be.

Gear: Quad skates, like the old style ones you skated on at Great Skate and Skateland are required; if you bring in line skates to derby practice, we may point and laugh at you. A mouth guard, a helmet specifically designed for skaters, rather than a bike helmet, and elbow, wrist and knee pads are also needed. Many derby girls buy from Sin City Skates because it is derby owned, and because the owners, Trish and Ivanna are very knowledgeable about all things related to gear.

Once you have your gear, you can send another email to join (at) azrollerderby.com for all the paperwork you need. See you at practice!

-Cyndi

Newly Drafted!

2010-08-29T19:27:00.000-07:00

At the 2010 Femme Fatale awards, the results of the August draft were announced. Six skaters were chosen to skate with one of the league's three teams, and will be ready to bout at the start of the new season.

Jessica and Connie (not pictured) were drafted to the Bad News Beaters.

Heaven Bound (left) Mrs. Robinson and were drafted to the Brawlarinas.

Heaven Bound says: "Hello my Name is Heaven Bound 777, one of the newest Brawlarinas! I am super excited for this season to start as I get to skate with some of the most awesome, sweetest and loveable girls. I, like most of us new girls, always loved the idea of roller derby and was forced to seek out a league in February after watching Whip It. I was immediately hooked after I watched my first practice where my Big Sister Rum was killing the girls with off skate night. Two practices later I had Naughty's extra skates strapped on my feet and off I went, a derby girl in the making! In my few short months, I have met some many awesome people/ mentors (Shout out to Fred, Lena, Hacker, BB, Naughty and Frenchy) who pushed me when I needed to be pushed and praised me when I needed to be encouraged. The most important person I met would be my home girl, dubbed Derby wife EVOL. That girl can skate, FOREVER! If I could pass on any words of encouragement to you up and coming new girls/Smashers, I would say 2 things: Find yourself a partner who loves to skate just as much as you, someone who will push you to do more than you ever thought you could but will hold your hand all the way! Secondly, I would repeat the words of Ms. Rayna Rage: "If you think practicing once or twice a week is going to get you some where, your wrong, put your (BLEEP) skates on everyday and prove your going to be someone!"

Queen Robot (left) and Evol Em were drafted to the Surly Gurlies.

Evol Em says: "I started derby for personal reasons and to challenge myself, but it has rapidly turned into more than I ever could have imagined. Can't wait to start the season!"

Congratulations to them, and look for more skaters to be drafted in September.

Passport of an Arizona Roller Derby Skater

2010-08-24T14:10:00.000-07:00

If we had roller derby passports and a stamp for every team we played, for Season 7, mine would look a little like this.

This last season began with a bang! In September at our AZRD Derby Expo, TRD,
NAZRD & Dry Heat joined us. I almost got a skategasm with all that derbyness
goin’ on! I played my first official co-ed game with the boys. They skate fast and they hit hard but they fall even harder! Oh the fun it was playing with and against them!

In October, a triple header home opener was quickly followed by a Children of
the 70s vs. Children of the 80s in Tucson. We rocked the Flashdance and Ziggy
Stardust looks.

A home game in December finally saw a Surly victory over those Cheaters, um, I
mean Beaters!

We headed over with our ‘B’ team, the Bruisers to play San Diego. As she always
does, Trish the Dish rocked my world, but, somehow, I didn't even get a pic of her :(

February brought us the gals from Gotham with a two day boot camp that was
AWESOME! Someday I'll have guns like Suzie Hotrod.

And then, in January, after four long years of playing derby, I finally made the tryouts and officially became a TENT CITY TERROR! As an even added bonus, my baby sister also made this all-star travel team! We made AZRD history as the first set of sisters to play for the TCTs. As our team captain, Rayna Rage, laid out the schedule before our team, as you can clearly see by the look on my face, I was giddy with excitement! Even MORE skating was on the horizon.

First up, a game vs. Montreal's New Skids on the Block. Not only was their neon
green and pink distracting, it was the first time I ever heard French spoken on the line! C'etait tres chouette!

And then a trip to Port Orchard, where green stuff grows naturally

and where the TCTs walked away with two wins vs Lava City and Sin City, but the
rain and cold still made us grumpy.

March saw two bouts, Surlies vs. the Brawlas, where the whole league and
fans sang happy birthday to my aunt

and the following weekend, the TCTs played 4 teams at the Dust Bowl Invitational. Almost all the teams were present for the intros and what an amazing site to see so many derby skaters on the floor at one time.

More Surly vs. Beater action in April which was just a warm up for the Dust Devil Tournament in Tucson. The other teams said we were CRAZY for taking on 4 teams that weekend.

But, what was even crazier, was that it was Rayna Rage's last game as a TCT

and Messy Missy broke her collarbone.

The Championship bout in May began 6 weeks of craziness for me...5 games in 6 weeks!
Surlies vs. Tucson, a pre-game to the Beaters vs. Brawlas battle for the championship. Our game was so rough and tough, you'lda thought WE were battling for the champs.

TCTs vs. Sin City, we used the power of the PINK to score over those Fabulous Sin City Rollergirls

TCTs vs. Pikes Peak, where, unfortunately for us, PINK was their lucky color too. But Do we derby? Indeed we do!

Bruisers vs. Whiskey Row-llers. Our beloved TCTs were the best cheering section ever!

as some of our girls played their first ever travel game.

and Bruisers vs. Battle Born in Reno. They welcomed us with open arms!

We finished out Season 7 with a battle vs. the Salt City Shakers showing our Arizona pride.

It was a win and I was exhausted. I skated 26 games in 10 months! I made it through, but sadly, my skates did not.

I've put a lot of miles on those babies. But it's time for new skates, and a new season. There are almost 30 games set for the next season, 30!

And that doesn't even count any upcoming TCT games. I am sooooooo looking forward to filling up another few passport pages.

So...the question is....Do you just wanna be a rollergirl, or do you want to play roller derby? If the answer is the latter, grab your skates and join us!

AZRD Finds a Home: Skating the Warehouse

2010-08-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

After months of searching, AZRD moved into a warehouse this summer...our very own home at last! Your pal Lana T. may be the last person to have not seen it in person! But as the American advertiser Fred Barnard said, a look is worth ten thousand words, so take a look...(all photos in this post by Michael Simon, thanks!!!)

Scrimmaging Terrors!

Feeling the need for speed, it's Mrs. R, Hazer, Noxy, and others moving fast enough that I can't ID 'em!

Bitchie, Bella and Jugs get ready to roll.

Pack drills keep us at the top of our game.

Warming up? Cooling down? In that sweat box it's hard to say...

We *love* our medical sponsors! But we are NOT trying to get hurt and miss the season...

Can't touch this.

Jules is whipping us into shape.

Ready, set...

Skullbella is working it!

Ovary Z in action!

Someone is going down!

Noxy and Hazer stuck like glue.

Live derby girls!

Sock it to me, baby.

Our version of the Rockettes.

Play nice, girls.

Um...WE ARE.

Oh...it's nice to have a home!

AZRD IN WONDERLAND: FEMME FATALE AWARDS 2010!

2010-08-23T19:51:00.000-07:00

First of all, let me just say that, while I was *present* and completely sober for the entire night, I failed to take notes at the ceremony.

No beer goggles, no sake goggles, no nothing, I'm telling you. What this means to you, dear friends, is that this blog entry does not contain an exhaustive list of the awards received that night. What it does contain is a set of photos, rated "PG" as usual, some of which depict awards that were given. And, if I can read the award that was given in the photo, well, then I discuss it here. Brilliant!

And the craziest freakin' facial expression in a photo goes to...Book 'Em Betty! No no, that's a made up award. It never happened. Onward!

Let's not play games. It was a serious night of serious shenanigans. Yes, that is the official spelling. I cannot and will not discuss most things here. However, I will post a few small details to memorialize the event and tantalize the curious onlooker. Yeah, quiet girl in the corner, that's you. Quit screwing around and just come out for practice, already.

Ready to head down the rabbit hole? Let Whacks, the White Rabbit, escort you!

And the winners of Best Pivot (that I can read, anyway) are:

Frenchie, the boring sister from the beginning of the book!

Knockout Knicko as her fancy self (?)

Redhead Revolver with hair so fabulous we don't care who she is playing in Wonderland, and

Who's nuts? Deez Nuts!

For the Best Assault on a Quaker, it's Rum Noxious and Ammunitia! (Victim played by French Lyck...)

There are always some civvies out there saving our you know whats. Christian is one of them!

So is our girl Krista!

And of course you know the other members of the royal family!

There were more than a couple of Best Blockers, and when you see that you're missing, I will add your photo! But for now:

Redhead Revolver and

Domiskatrix with her Cheshire grin!

Here are two Marketing Appreciation awards for two ladies we surely do appreciate for doing a dirty job (that somebody's gotta do):

Jugs Bunny! And...

Mrs. Robinson!

Now, I didn't make this up! But the role of Promo WHORE goes to the famous

Rum Bunctious!

And the Public Relations MVP goes to:

C-Duktive!

Now, from time to time there is a very special yet completely made up award that is bestowed upon a very special and real person. In this case, the "Thank You For Everything, Sunshine" award goes to our own

Extra bright and shiny Fred Nutz! Appearing here, of course, not in costume.

Next up we have Pippi wearing like a Sheriff badge or something

Sorry, this is one of those that I can't read. And two of the Most Improved of the league (write to me if you too were highly improved!):

Hazed "Hazer" and Contused and

Rum Noxious of the 71st Ave. neighborhood, baby!

She's got spirit! Yes she do!

Magatrauma, our Maggie! And

Rum Bunctious! Arrrr!

And who will kick the living--I mean who's the Hardest Hitter? These chicks are!

Messy Missy!

Hacker Too Pieces!

Domiskatrix!

And the Cleanest Players in our game? Aw! It's good ol'

Vixen Tequila! She may be fixin' to kill ya but she's only half evil! And

Rum Bunctious!

Next we have Favorite Player to Watch, perhaps connected to her having her own rockin' awesome chant!

What're you looking at?

*NOT* to be confused with Best Flair!

That would be our Trixie! (Because not everyone can pull off a huge viking headpiece!)

And raise your hand if you know what congeniality means! Your hand or your ears.

Yeah, you know who it is by now.

And the Most Feared Rollergirl?

Don't let that sweet face fool you! Messy Missy is after your ass!

Speaking of asses, making a much-deserved comeback at the awards were Best Rack and Best Ass! And the winners were:

Jugs Bunny, Best Rack!

Loco Lena, Best Ass!

Whose name do the people wanna hear?

Jugs Bunny, those dirty-minded fans!

And they LUUUV to watch them some

Loco Lena!

I don't know what this thing says, and it just SUCKS. It looks like crankiest rollergirl but clearly that's not it. :)

Red, you devil you!

This fan award goes to...

BAD NEWS BEATERS, SEASON SEVEN CHAMPS, AND FAN FAVORITE!

And which team do our fans think have the coolest costumes?

ARRRRRR! The Surlies!!!

Most Approachable Rollergirl? Well, as long as you're not approaching her on skates as a member of the opposite team, it's

Redhead Revolver!

And Favorite Villain? Oooooh! Watch out for

Messy Missy!

Aw, poor thing! Sacrificial Lamb Awards go to

Hazed and Contused!

Destructo Kitty!

Family Jules!

And some kinda egg award? The one I can't read and don't remember? That one went to

Rum Bunctious!

Deez Nutz!

We all know that teamwork is key to derby! And since I'm sitting here trying only to team up with my other, even lamer personalities, I only have three of the four teams here! They are:

Loco Lena and Hazed and Contused of the Bad News Beaters!

French Lyck and Destructo Kitty of the Brawlarinas!

Domiskatrix and Hazed and Contused of the Tent City Terrors!

We have some truly Super Jammers here at AZRD Headquarters! (I make it sound like I have them stacked like cordwood in my laundry room...and of course I do, but only in the off season!) This was a confusing category because two out of four weren't even here! Naturally, those two I remember anyway!

Loco Lena of the Tent City Terrors! And

Deez Nutz of the Bad News Beaters!

(Gratuitous Violet of the Surlies and Rayna Rage, formerly of the Brawlas, were not present to receive their additional new super powers in cape form.)

And who rubber chickened her way into the honor of League Clown?

Ho ho ho, that's right! Family Jules! Clearly this was the wrong call.

Our favorite referee?

Uncle Fester!

And who got a new lightswitch cover? (Okay, I just can't see what it is.)

Fred Nutz!

And the AZRD MOST VALUABLE PLAYER?

Loco Lena!!!

The Lifetime Achievement Award goes to Uncle Fester, who has been with us since Season One!

Vixen shows us what you get for being a champ:

And Missy shows us what you get for working so damn hard to knock everyone out:

Smelliest Rollergirl! YUMMY!

You know what else happened at the Season Seven Femme Fatale Awards?! Draft Picks!!!

Brand New Surlies!!!

Queen Robot!

Evol Em!

New Brawlas:

Heaven Bound!

Mrs. Robinson!

And new Beaters:

Connie! And also Jessica but I don't see a photo in my clips, sorry... :(

And perhaps most exciting was the unveiling!

The unveiling of FoMo's AZRD tattoo, that is!

OMFG, that was fun! Phew, I need a drink now, I'm exhausted...

So on with the night. There was family...

There was friendship...

(And what an interesting table full of expressions this is!)

There was some CRAZY looking dancing. (Oh yes. I include myself, most definitely.)

"Holy f---, it's a tarantula!" "Holy f---, that was a banana peel."

"SLAYER!" "THE WIGGLES!"

Ohhhhhhh, taste my drunken monkey style, sucka!

That's right, b------s, I'm so hot I can make Riverdance look sexy!

(Check out the mime in the back doing the wall! Awesome!)

Whaaaaat are you doing with that pole, sir?

There was a hell of a lot of chanting.

There was swimming and chicken in the pool.

But most of all, there were plenty of hot-as-hell derby girls having a good time! (I'd love to show you photos of all of the creepers who were hanging around drooling to help make my point, but no one took shots of *those* losers!) We got lots of shots of the hot derby chicks, though!

That's riiiiight! Season Seven awards, baby!

It's enough to make you wanna holla!

Oh yeah. It's good to be the king.

Season Eight Schedule!

2010-08-23T16:02:00.000-07:00

Get yer Season Eight Schedule right heeyah!

SEASON EIGHT HOME SCHEDULE!

10/16/2010
Round Robin
11/6/2010
Opener - Brawlas v DVRD
Headline - Surlies v Beaters

12/4/2010
Opener - Men's bout
Headline - TCT v TBD

1/8/2011
Opener - Surlies v TRD Vice Squad
Headline - Beaters v Brawlas

2/5/2011
Opener - Brats bout
Headline - TCT v TBD

3/5/2011
Opener - Beaters v TRD FTW
Headline - Brawlas v Surlies

4/2/2011 AZRD Championship
Opener - TBD
Headline - TBD

SEASON EIGHT AWAY SCHEDULE

At Tucson

9/18/2010TRD Vice v AZRD Beaters
TRD FTW v AZRD Brawlas

10/23/2010
TRD Copper Queens v AZRD Surlies

12/11/2010
TRD Vice v AZRD Brawlas
TRD FTW v AZRD Surlies

1/15/2011
TRD Copper Queens v AZRD Beaters

3/12/2011TRD
Copper Queens v AZRD Brawlas

5/7/2011
Arizona State Conference championship, teams TBD

SEASON EIGHT AWAY SCHEDULE: NORTHERN ARIZONA

At Prescott/NAZRD

11/13/2010
Beaters

1/22/2011
Surlies

2/19/2011
Brawlas

Tentative At Camp Verde/Cottonwood/ Dirty Verde Roller Derby

9/25/2010
Surlies

4/30/2011
Beaters

AZRD Immortalized Forever!

2010-08-23T14:50:00.000-07:00

Painting by Ann Osgood, Utopia Art Studio

Ladies and Germs, your friendly neighborhood blogging friend, Lana T., has returned. I apologize for my terrible absence. But, BUT! How could I fail to report on our EPIC summer and even more amazing upcoming SEASON EIGHT?!

First of all, as you see here, the fabulous skaters of Arizona Roller Derby are about to become immortalized as stunning works of art by the painter Ann Osgood. We will be featured at the Utopia Art Studio, First Fridays, and other locations throughout the Valley! GO AZRD!

CHECK OUT MORE ENTRIES TO FOLLOW!

Roller derby saves souls....and digital cameras

2010-06-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

From guest poster Jugs Bunny:

So on Saturday I went to Sedona to go rock climbing. Most of the league doesn't know that I actually have hobbies outside of derby, and rock climbing is one of them. I do a lot of climbing guiding on weekends, but this trip was just for fun. So after a great day on the beautiful red rock in the lovely weather, my friend and I head back to my car worn out and hungry. I put my camera on top of the car and then unloaded my backpack, got a drink of water. Then, I hopped into the driver's seat and took off, completely forgetting that the camera was on top of the car. I realized it after we had gotten some lunch, and went back and looked for it but it was nowhere to be found. Dammit! I loved that camera! I've never lost an important item like that before--I'm not one to just leave stuff. I've never left my wallet somewhere, nothing like that. So I was bummed but I just had to accept that I made a mistake, and it happened to be a very expensive one. I guess I was tired and just not thinking straight. The bigger bummer was that I'm only working part-time right now, so buying a new camera was out of the question. I spent the whole drive home convincing myself that I wanted to go back to using 35mm film anyway.

When I got home I put an ad on Craigslist under lost and found, but was prepared to never see the camera again. Then today I get an email on the AZRD website to the sponsorship address, and it's a woman who has my camera! Seriously! I emailed her back immediately. It turns out that I had a picture from pride still on there, with all of us holding the banner, which has our website. So this nice woman went on the site, found the person who looked most like the person in many of the pictures on the camera (that was me), then found me listed as the sponsorship manager and emailed me! I emailed her back right away, and it turns out she lives in Florida and took the camera back home with her, and now she's going to mail it to me. So the camera was lost in Sedona, ended up in Florida, but found its way home by way of derby! How fucking awesome is that? I'm so happy. And I had no other derby pictures on there, so without the pride pictures she never would have known how to find me. Derby saves cameras, and brings people together. :-)

Ode to a roller rink

2010-05-20T15:36:00.000-07:00

Change is never easy, especially when the thing you are changing happens three days a week, every week. Unfortunately, the time often comes when we are forced to make a change and look at the bright side of new possibilities and, hopefully, practices inside, rather than in the brutal Phoenix heat.

The owners of Casey at the Bat, where AZRD has practiced and bouted for several years, have made the decision to pursue new business opportunities by converting their roller rink into a soccer field. So, with this announcement, we are busy looking for a new practice space or spaces, which will, as Casey is, likely be as much of a venue for pre- and post-practice socializing, as a place to hone our derby skills. Hopefully, the staff of our new practice space(s) will be as gracious about ice for our injuries, practices that run late and the occasional swear word accidently uttered too close to a junior roller hockey player.

So, AZRD is on the move, and new things are in the works. The board of directors and all involved in the search are facing it with characteristic aplomb and good humor, and are not letting a little thing like a new practice venue interfere with derby destiny!

THE END OF AN ERA

2010-05-20T04:34:00.000-07:00

(Or maybe just a season.) Bye bye, season!

That's right, Lucky Season Seven is over! HOWEVER...always remember that in China it is Season Eight that would be considered to be lucky! And that's an awful lot of people to just blow off their concept of luck!

2010 is the year of the Metal Tiger and Arizona Roller Derby, born in 2003, is the Water Goat. What is in store for us, then, in Super Secret Double Dog Dare Extra Lucky Season Eight? According to my ancient bottle of Pearl Drops (mmmmmm!) it's a hellishly hot summer packed with TCT stylings, the Valley's first brats league, and a crap-load of in-season action, baby!

But first thing's first. The end of Season Seven in all of its magnificent glory.

It was a night to remember. An exciting double header with the lovely ladies of Tucson Roller Derby showing us their very best throughout the evening.

A birthday beatdown with implied nudity that gave mini-strokes to even experienced derby personnel throughout the evening.

And the kind of indoor swampiness vs. clamminess debate that only an uncooled facility such as ours can produce. Truly, it was an enchanted evening not seen since the backseat stylings of your junior high school prom event. (Shut UP if you didn't start in junior high and just WISH you had, okay?)

Now. I know what you're wondering. You're wondering about the in-depth sports analysis that only Mrs. Robinson can provide. You're asking for that play-by-play coverage from our very sportswriter. But alas! I do not yet have it.

I have photos! And flyers with girls' phone numbers scribbled on the backs. Yep, I got some numbers at the bout. I have some notes about the TRD event this coming weekend, just in case any of us were able to cover it, send down some people to run a booth. And I have *lots* of fake eyelash glue sort of stuck to everything that was in my bag.

Did I not SEE the incredible grand slams in the second bout?!

The amazingly close score in the first bout?!

Yep. I saw. I saw it all. *BUT* unlike Mrs. R, I wasn't taking notes and just watching the bout. No, I was tottering around on ridiculously high heels and talking to people and moving a box and selling something and writing down the details and doing some other stupid shit.

Translation: As usual, I do NOT have many good details about riveting plays. But I do know this. I remember how I reacted to certain things, and I will share those reactions with you now.

Aw! Yeah, that was a good choice.

Holy crap, that's a lot of Smashers! And pregnant ladies, too! Hey, what's going on over there, anyway?!

Holy OUCH, didn't you just have your wisdom teeth out?! OW. And a chin strap, OW.

Okay, this is not *my* reaction, it's what Rum said, but it's too damn funny not to repost. Rum said that in this photo it looks like she just got punched by Chachi, which of course it does. And Chachi is making a nice face for that to have happened.

Everyone feels different about being in the penalty box, I suppose.

Whoa, def.

Violet forgot her pants. It gave everyone a mini heart attack all night! FUN IDEA!

New hair color, LOVE IT.

Man. Too happy! You can't argue with that; both teams played so well, and you can't beat the results for the fans. Great bouts all season long, and now we're headed for summer.

Phoenix Women's Sports Association Awards

2010-05-11T02:13:00.000-07:00

On May 8^th the women of AZRD were proud to support and volunteer at the Phoenix Women’s Sports Association (PWSA) Awards Event. Members of our league helped registered guests, sell raffle tickets, helped out with the various interactive games the guests played and the silent auction checkout. The PWSA website sets forth their mission as follows: " The Phoenix Women’s Sports Association reaches out to underserved girls and women, helping them improve their lives through participation in sports. We believe sports fuel power, and powerful girls and women create success for themselves and their communities."

Along those lines, PWSA managed to provide a roster of truly elite athletes to participate in this event; here they are, listed by sport:

Gymnastics
Amanda Borden: Olympic Gold Medalist

Swimming
Misty Hyman: Olympic Gold Medalist

Racing
Lyn St. James: Indy Racing Legend

Softball
Rikki Caito: Won three world Championships

Dot Wilkinson: Nineteen time All-American

Billie Harris: Four time All-American

Sis King: Inducted in five softball Halls of Fame

Tennis
Anne Guerrant: Won 15 doubles titles and four singles titles

Carolyn Lane: Competed at Wimbledon

Vicki Berner: A member of the Canadian Tennis Hall of Fame

Shooting
Ruby Fox: Olympic Silver Medalist

Running
Victoria Jackson: NCAA 10,000 meter regional champion, 2012 Olympic hopeful

Laurie Trapp: NCAA Track and Field National Champion

Golf
Jan Ferraris: Three time LPGA Tournament winner

Tui Selvaratnum: Youngest person to ever win a national title

Vicki Berner: A member of the Canadian Tennis Hall of Fame

Amy Fruhwirth: Two time LPGA tournament winner

Ellie Gibson: Competed on LPGA tour from 1990-2001

Sherri Turner: Three time LPGA Winner, including an LPGA Championship

Cycling
Terry Roach: 11 time World Masters Champion

Pam Burwell: Two time winner of the el Tour de Tucson

Soccer
Tamera Hatfield: Professional soccer player

AND LET'S NOT FORGET...THE FORCE OF AN ANGRY DERBY MOB, IF CROSSED! Okay, maybe not *that* exactly. How about this: the support of a strong, talented group of female athletes who are dedicated to the pursuit of athleticism by women and the continued achievement of women in sports?

Yeah. That's what we meant.

Experience Your Future Day

2010-05-11T01:08:00.000-07:00

On April 22^nd AZRD participated in the Experience Your Future Day at the University of Phoenix Stadium. Almost 10,000 grade students from 8 school districts and 69 schools came to the event. The students were there to learn from local businesses and organizations what it is really like to work in a particular field or industry.

As you can see from our exhibit, our particular role was to show the students there, especially girls, that the women of AZRD are REAL WOMEN who have REAL roles in the community, actual careers, training, and interesting lives. Wow...look how awesome and together we are! So it must be true, you can grow up, have a career, and come out for a super cool sport like derby TOO!

The Experience Your Future Day is a career experiential learning day designed for 8th grade students to gain hands-on exposure to a variety of career opportunities and industries. Here is what the website has to say about it:

We must have a long term view of building a competitive workforce, in spite of current economic conditions. Building the skills of the youth of today is imperative to a successful business climate for tomorrow. We can't abandon the future generations for short term challenges.

The goal of the program is to show students:

What it’s really like to work in a particular field
Career paths and job growth beyond the entry level
Education required to enter a career
Hands-on experience with technical skills
A passion for their future!

And you know what? We did that, baby. Yes we did. Over and out.

Rayna's Farewell Party

2010-05-10T07:49:00.000-07:00

Man oh man, am I sad to have missed this! Here are the preliminary photos from PaPa...aren't you glad PaPa is a party ANIMAL?! Below, Jugs, Jules and Vixen would like you to know that if there was any trouble at the party they had NOTHING to do with it.

Despite some evidence to the contrary...

It's Rayna's party, she can drink if she wants to, drink if she wants to, drink if she wants to...

Bunny. Jugs Bunny. And Tequila. Vixen Tequila.

Busty and Fella (sorry, Busty and Fella, I don't know Fella's name. ) :(

Now, is Fred doing a Red or is Red doing a Fred? Cast your vote in comments, please. Also, has anyone else noticed that Fred looks like the luckiest guy ever at all parties? ;) Just
sayin'.

BEATER POWER!

Oh man, could that be cuter?!

At this point, things are getting a little more serious in terms of PQ (party quotient):

"I guess the kidding around is pretty much over. I guess it's just a matter of pumping about fifty gallons of margaritas around in here to teach you a little lesson. Is that it? I think it is."

I'm telling you, that PaPa is getting to be an advanced partier. This can only impact our blog in a positive direction.

Aw. For reals...we will miss you. I'll keep looking back at photos like this one...we all will. :) As I finish this post with the rapidly growing Derby Baby on my lap I'm watching the end of what is likely Betty White's last live performance and so I'm perhaps overly sentimental about things growing, changing and ending...but maybe it's not just me. Maybe it's really this sad. But...might as well approach the problem with humor.

SO LONG, SCREWY! SEE YOU IN SAINT LOUIE! (Love, your AZRD. xoxoxoxo)

Bout Night Approaches!

2010-05-07T13:22:00.000-07:00

A wise fellow once said, "Start at the beginning, and when you come to the end, stop." The seventh season of AZ Roller Derby approaches its end, and it is time to stop.

Wait, stop! No meltdowns! The Championship Bout is on May 15th, at Castle Sports Club (11420 N 19th Ave). As a fan, you should stop fretting.

A new season will begin soon, and interleague play is scheduled throughout the summer. As a person who has been waiting to see the derby, stop! Careful reading of the second sentence reveals your window of opportunity is closing.

As a person that has always envisioned him/herself as a lone wolf, STOP! Like most experiences, derby is better shared with your friends and loved ones. Buy tickets now for all of them at AzRollerDerby.com. You will be immediately rewarded by stronger interpersonal bonds, and a discounted pre-sale ticket ($10).

Remember! The family that derby-s together, stays together! Show 'em what family values REALLY are!

AZRD Poker Run!

2010-05-06T17:52:00.000-07:00

So far your pal Lana T. only has photos from this AZRD adventure because a) not only did I miss this ride (SUCK), b) no one has sent me their exciting synopsis of the events! Now, it's true, I've heard rumors of cougars going after PaPa!

I've heard that our league is home to some serious, hardcore biker chicks and their people who know what they're doing and look fabulous doing it.

And you know what I learned firsthand from observation? That each and every one of our league members is fantastically delightful on or near motorcycles regardless of her experience with them, no lie.

A special shout out to Trixie for all of her hard work putting this event together, and to all of the girls who went out to make this event happen--and on a bout day, too! Thanks! First annual poker run? We'll see...

Dating a Rollergirl: A Survival Guide by JOAN OF DARK!!!

2010-05-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

AWESOME! This was posted on Facebook BUT here is the real source (apologies!): http://joanofdarkknits.blogspot.com/2010/04/dating-roller-girl-survival-guide.html. It is delightful! Feel free to post your own additions in comments!

Friday, April 30, 2010
Dating a roller girl: A survival guide
Some words of advice if your girl decides to take up derby:

1. If she gets naked, and tells you to "come look at my ass, quick"! don't get excited. She just wants to show you a new bruise shaped EXACTLY like an Atom wheel.

2. If she's fully clothed, and tells you to "come look at my ass, quick"! again, don't get excited. She just wants to show you that her ass is now so well developed, she can balance a beer on it.

3. If she's whining about how much pain she is in, do NOT, repeat, do NOT, say, "why don't you just give up derby". This will only result in,
a) cold shoulder
b) yells of "you don't understand"!
c) the ENTIRE TEAM giving you the cold shoulder for your lack of support.

4. If she is whining about how much time derby takes, see #3.

5. Just accept the fact that sometimes her sweat will smell like beer.

6. Also just accept that your formerly demure, sweet, and quiet girl, may forget that she's not in the company of 60 other roller girls, and smell her pits in public.

7. If you smell something funky in your living area, it's the skate bag. Find it, hide it far away from you. Do not, under any circumstances, open the bag.

8. When she comes home and announces that she's going to wash out her pads, find an excuse, any excuse, to leave the house before she gets them out of her bag. Run fast.

9. Do not be alarmed if she has a "wife" in the league. It's nothing personal.

10. When she is on her period, chances are, the entire league is on their period. All 30-80 of them. Keep it in mind.

11. She will consider panties appropriate attire. Don't try to fight it.

12. Don't waste your money on jewelry. She wants new wheels. If you really want to get laid, new wheels AND bearings.

13. It's not a good idea to let her drive if she's just been skating. She will see the car as one giant roller skate, and every other driver as the opposing team.

14. Those cute feet that you love? Say your goodbyes. They will develop blisters, "pusher creatures", bruises and bunions. Make sure to tell her "they're not that bad" when she goes to wear flip flops in the summer.

15. If you're a girl dating a roller girl, don't try to fight it. You'll probably become one too.

16. If you're a guy dating a girl, either accept your derby widow status, or try to support her by supporting the league as a volunteer.

17. Overall, say goodbye to the girl you once knew. She's been replaced by a roller girl. She's still the same person, just stronger, more confident(and if you're smart) to you, a million times more beautiful.

http://joanofdarkknits.blogspot.com/2010/04/dating-roller-girl-survival-guide.html

We've Got Pride!

2010-04-25T15:13:00.000-07:00

Enjoy this slideshow of Jugs Bunny, Stryker, Yellow Fever, Hot Pepper and Smash Squad members Jen, Fatal Distraction and Gracie Grinder participating in this year's Pride Parade. It was a beautiful sunny day, and we had a great time seeing and hearing everything the parade had to offer, as well as showing off our skating skills and encouraging people to come to our championship bout! We got a great response; the crowd cheered and shouted for us as we walked and skated down the parade route.

Proof!

2010-04-25T14:57:00.000-07:00

Favorite Rayna Rage quote: "HIT HER! FUCKING HIT HER! HIT THAT BITCH!" Photographic proof of one of our favorite coaches, thanks to Jules Doyle!

Classic. :) Too bad we didn't have this one for the right blog entry, but whatever. It stands alone.

Dust Devil 2010!

2010-04-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

(Lana T.)

SO, I know it's taken me WAY TOO LONG to report on the Dust Devil 2010! Your old, decrepit pal Lana T. apologizes to you from the outset. I can only say...that's all a part of being old and decrepit. That's what it means. (Rum says: shut it and get on with it. Okay, yes ma'am.)

(PaPa Rottsy)

Your very own Tent City Terrors traveled to Tucson, Arizona, the Old Pueblo, to take on a number of teams in the Dust Devil Tourney, a WFTDA sanctioned event. What does that mean? Well, whereas the Dust Bowl in Bakersfield was, well, only for reputation (Hurt Feelings Department, take a number, b*tch), THIS tournament was for rankings. It counted.

(PaPa Rottsy)

A lot of these same teams had been at Bakersfield. In fact, sitting there watching, I can tell you more than one of these bouts felt like a grudge match--at least to the fans. ;)

(Jules Doyle)

Anyway...the first bout we had was against the Silicon Valley Dot Kamikazes. This was a team we lost to in Bakersfield, so let's just say we were ready to beat them in Tucson. At one time during this bout we were down by 50 points, so it was a real nailbiter; we came back to beat them, after some seriously hard fighting derby!

(Jules Doyle)

(Sorry for SOME of these crap photos--obviously many of these are me with a regular camera and no modified lens, NOT PaPa, or Jules Doyle a/k/a Axle Adams; neither of whom would do this to your tender eyes! You can tell which are mine, like the one below, because they SUCK!)

(Lana T.)

One of the most exciting points in this bout was when Loco Lena managed to pull off SIX GRAND SLAMS...oh yeah, I mean in a row. In one jam. This is a bad shot, but here she is, rallying the crowd!

It was a great moment that the announcers attempted to dub a "Minotaur" but Lena called a "Bad Ass Derby Chick," I think. :) Final score, 137-133, TENT CITY TERRORS!

Next on the agenda was Duke City and I won't lie. That was one tough bout.

(Lana T.)

(But see, that's why you put BB and Jules up front! They keep people guessing!)

(Jules Doyle)

Anyway Duke City was a really fast, athletic team and they really dominated throughout the bout, honestly.

(Jules Doyle)

The final score was 168-73 Duke, though, which tells you that we did step up and play hard, we scored.

(Jules Doyle)

It was NOT EASY and please do not think that this fan is saying so.

(Jules Doyle)

Speaking of fans, we all hung in there until the end that night, and it ran late...until almost midnight.

(Lana T.)

Because we love our TCTs!

(Lana T.)

Day Two saw us playing Pacific first, who came all the way from Maui, for f*ck's sake!

(Jules Doyle)

Day Two also brought PaPa Rotsy, thank goodness! That means all of the photos from now on are his and Axle Adams, a/k/a Jules Doyle's, and are good! Phew!

(PaPa Rottsy)

Now, your friend Lana T. did not attend any parties, not only due to extreme exhaustion, but also due to her companion Baby Tuffins the Derby Baby (who, you will notice, never breaks focus on the bout).

(PaPa Rottsy)

HOWEVER, it seems clear that *IF* any of your very own TCTs attended any parties they experienced NO ill effects whatsoever! Just look at these fresh-faced ladies!

(PaPa Rottsy)

Fine, maybe *these two* partied a little, you got me! But they were ready to kick *sses, is my point! See how they're ready?

(Jules Doyle)

Okay, so Pacific. This was a high scoring bout, both teams really working it.

(PaPa Rottsy)

At this point in the tournament, too, as a spectator, we'd seen a few injuries and some very hard play.

(Jules Doyle)

Many penalties just weren't getting called, and we were starting to get worried about our TCTs limping home all beat to hell.

(Jules Doyle)

I mean they were giving at least as good as they were getting, don't get me wrong. But still! Every hard fall, ouch!

(PaPa Rottsy)

(What's that dude thinking with his rollerblades?! I don't know!)

(PaPa Rottsy)

Okay, so we pulled it out against Pacific, 160-101. By this time, several of our TCTs had been injured moderately. I note affectionately Lena's pissed off trip to the floor near the penalty box where she appeared to be swearing and shaking her fist skyward, angry to even be hurting. It was pretty awesome. And...why this next photo?

(PaPa Rottsy)

It's sort of a general warning photo. In this context, it's like, "No, motherf------, I better not get injured."

(PaPa Rottsy)

Final bout of the day? Grudge match against Santa Cruz, another team that beat us in Bakersfield.

(Jules Doyle)

Interestingly, we were told that whenever Santa Cruz and Silicon Valley play each other Silicon Valley wins. Well, whatever.

(PaPa Rottsy)

Obviously, strategy while bonding was in order.

(PaPa Rottsy)

This was another horrific nailbiter that made your friend Lana want to puke. Sorry, but I'm a nervous derby fan when it's the TCTs and PHEW oh man was this a rough one.

(PaPa Rottsy)

Not just me, okay?!

(Jules Doyle)

The TCTs had the lead at several points and truly this was anyone's bout, but it just didn't happen.

(PaPa Rottsy)

And of course these are the last action shots of our own Rayna Rage with the TCTs, and that announcement, frankly, sealed the deal on the puketastic-ness of this particular bout.

(Jules Doyle)

Not to be that way, but...okay, too late, I guess I am.

(PaPa Rottsy)

I would like to note for the record that, in all seriousness, this was a hell of a bout! Our TCTs played REALLY well.

(PaPa Rottsy)

Sitting there watching Stryker and I were totally proud of them. There was NO shame in our game that day.

(Jules Doyle)

So the fact that my nervous stomach gets in the way shouldn't fool you. :)

(PaPa Rottsy)

At the end of this bout, our Messy Missy really took a BAD fall. The result? Uh oh:

(Mystery Xray Tech)

That would be a broken clavicle, or collar bone, broken in two places with the middle section really being f-ed up, to use a technical term. Poor Missy is going to be out for awhile. This means that you can rest a little easier while scrimmaging, I suppose, but not so fast! First of all, don't get complacent! She'll be back before you know it! And second, why not pay a visit? Bring her a movie or some snacks, or go play a board game or some cards, for Pete's sake!

Aw, come on! Who could say no to that face?! So don't forget your injured buddies...which reminds me, your own Certified Lunachick is ALSO on the injury roster! Not only did she come to Tucson to support the TCTs, but she too might enjoy a visit! (Note: It would be best to ascertain whether either of these skaters actually *wants* a visit before showing up. :)

(PaPa Rottsy)

Well fans, that was the Dust Devil in a nutshell. That and beers that cost $8, parking that cost $10, nachos that cost $7, sodas that cost $3...you get the picture. There were some super cool vendors there including the fabulous sister of Dirty Duchess, Derby Vixen! She is making Lana T. a hot skirt that will be worn at the next bout barring some sort of disaster. She will make you custom derby wear including skirts, hot pants, whatever, or custom bikinis for SUPER CHEAP.

Okay, want to see something kind of funny? It's Fred and Mini Fred!

(PaPa Rottsy)

That's some serious family resemblance.

Anyway, thanks for making us proud in Tucson, Terrors!

GO TERRORS!!!

(Jules Doyle)

Skating With MS

2010-04-25T06:50:00.000-07:00

Some AZRD skaters know that they have a leaguemate who skates with MS, or multiple sclerosis...that's me, Lana Tourniquet. :) Mine is in remission, at least for now, but it can come back out of remission at any time. I saw this story linked on DNN and I wanted to post it here. She's brave; I'm glad to know that maybe it would be okay, even if I came out of remission, to keep skating.

AZRD on DNN!

2010-04-21T16:51:00.000-07:00

If you look at the front page of Derby News Network (DNN) you might see some familiar faces, our very own Deez Nuts and Messy Missy! Check out the archived boutcast from last weekend's Dust Devil tournament, and look for Lana Tourniquet's detailed report on our blog soon.

Goodbye, Rayna

2010-04-19T04:47:00.000-07:00

Sunday at the Dust Devil we heard that the final bout at the tournament would be Rayna Rage's final bout with the Tent City Terrors. While we all knew that Rayna was leaving us and taking her fabulousness to New York, hearing an announcer say it sure made it feel real...and sad.

As your old friend Lana T. sat next to Stryker Speechless at Tucson Convention Center and heard the announcer tell us this was really, really it, man. I don't mind telling you, I felt kind of weepy. On the drive home, sure, we talked plenty of derby and recap, but the conversation kept taking that inevitable turn. A few seconds of silence, and then one of us would say: "Man...Rayna." And the other would reply, "I know."

We are losing much more than a wonderful player. We are losing a coach and a mentor. As newbies, we look to veteran players for guidance and support, and we are so fortunate in our league to get that from so many players. Rayna Rage has always been at the heart of that support system for people like us, and it makes more of a difference than she likely knows. I write this here in the hope that she'll know what a difference she made over the years. There is so much more to supporting a league than scoring points...although scoring points is pretty damn good too, and she kicked ass at that.

Our minds work in funny ways. If I ever have a dream about Rayna it will probably be something stupid, like I see her at the grocery store and we can't find any asparagus and there's some kind of drama or something weird like that and then she's gone as quickly as she appeared. But I kind of hope that I'd envision her just like I always saw her in real life: jumping up and down a little on her skates and screaming at girls: "HIT HER! FUCKING HIT HER, DAMMIT!" That's how I will always think of Rayna. "HIIIIIIT HEERRRR!!!"

Okay, I'll try!

Cheers! Good luck! We miss you already.

AZRD rocks out with The Pubes and No Rules Six

2010-03-27T21:04:00.000-07:00

In a "better late than never" report, what better place to find derby girls other than their second natural habitat: (the skate rink being the first, of course!) any place where there's music, a beverage to be had, alcoholic or otherwise, and dancing? First, observe the ladies of AZRD at Cash Inn Country, enjoying the music of The Pubes, who come to bouts, play benefits for the league, and support the derby dream while playing their own brand of punk rock:

We're with the band!

Next up, we celebrated St. Patrick's Day with a post-practice visit to Catch 22 Sports Grill to enjoy the song stylings of No Rule Six, who played a diverse set of cover songs, including "Jenny Jenny (867-5309)", "Hard To Handle", "I Want You To Want Me", and "All The Small Things".

A slow song brought out the softer side of Rum Bunctious and French Lyck:

"Footloose" proved to be a popular song for Loco Lena and Family Jules, they just had to get up and dance!

Thank you to Rum Bunctious and A. Whacks Queen for the photos and video in this entry.

Smash Squad Contingent Meets The Oly Rollers

2010-03-24T03:34:00.000-07:00

That's right. Somehow, your pal Lana T. and Stryker Speechless overcame their crippling fears long enough to sign up for the Oly Rollers' Bootcamp for Inexperienced to Intermediate Skaters...and were we ever glad we did!

We piled into our rental, The Blue Criminal, and headed out.

Now, to be fair, yes, that first morning, the feeling as we pulled up to the facility was nothing short of puketastic. It didn't help that, somehow, no one there operates on derby time. Even yours truly, Miss Type A America, Lana T, was later than everyone else. They were all lined up and started at 8:02am even though the email program we received said registration was at 8:00. *Psycho!* ANYWAY...

The camp was great because it broke things down for skaters like us and made even advanced things that fantastic skaters like the Oly girls do accessible to skaters like Lana T. :) We learned alternative ways to toe stop run that make the most of speed skating stride and technique, and that is something that is making a huge difference for me. We did things with plow stops that not only made them feel far more useful in play but also made us far better at them.

By the end of the camp we were jumping, turning, and otherwise doing things on our skates that beginners like us just hadn't been before. I credit the coaching very much. We were also treated to an *AMAZING* scrimmage between the Oly Rollers and the mostly local mens' team featuring Quadzilla and his cronies. Apparently this is a weekly happening--so no biggie to the locals--but let me tell you, watching Quadzilla and Atomatrix jam it out ten feet in front of you is f*cking awesome! Video footage to come assuming Stryker's flip is intact.

We also want you to know that the Oly girls are super cool and really nice. Hanging out in the restaurant attached to the skating facility Saturday after camp, Tannibal Lector and Nerdy Little Secret asked if they could join us for drinks and food and hung out with us all night (that is until Stryker and I practically passed out at the table and had to excuse ourselves--embarrassing wimp behavior, I know).

Not pictured in that one is Stryker, who is drinking furtively to the right of the frame, and the Drunk Wandering Man, who kept fingering my jacket. Ew. But to the right of me is Tannibal L. and to the left of me is Nerdy LS! Next to Tannibal are Mary and Breeze, two other Noobs who were local; interestingly Mary is about to be featured on The Travel Channel as Seattle's Worst Driver (really) and Breeze has a homemade marshmallow company (really) and shared her wares at the table.

There's Stryker! See her now? Drunk. ;)

Okay, so even if you're a Smasher and a Noob, you too can go someplace and post something interesting about derby here on our blog! Have you taken a derby adventure trip that we oughta know about?

Coming up, Bakersfield! The Dust Devil Tourney! And...whatever you might have planned!

Go, Go Quadzilla!

2010-03-22T21:45:00.000-07:00

At Saturday night's double header, Quadzilla, of the Puget Sound Outcasts, utilized some incredible footwork during the men's bout, but that wasn't enough! To top it off, he entertained the crowd during halftime of the AZRD bout by jumping over some Bad News Beaters; adding one or two more girls for each jump. Thanks to Bret for the video!

Saturday Night Double Bout

2010-03-19T14:42:00.001-07:00

More Big Fish!

2010-03-15T17:27:00.000-07:00

If the first batch of photos wasn't enough for you, enjoy this slideshow of more photos from the Tent City Terrors fundraising event at the Big Fish Pub!

St. Patrick's Day Parade

2010-03-13T14:13:00.000-08:00

AZRD spent a beautiful Saturday morning participating in the 2010 St. Patrick's Day parade through downtown Phoenix. Most brave souls followed the route on wheels, skating circles around the classic cars that accompanied us and showing off their derby skills, while others walked, handing out candy and bout fliers. Take a look at some photos below!

Photos provided by Jugs Bunny and John Panas, Surly Gurlies Team Photographer.

Holy Nailbiters, Batman! TCTs vs. Lava City!

2010-03-10T03:35:00.000-08:00

Bout photo credits by Jules Doyle a/k/a Axle Adams
Your TCTs Take Lava City By Only One Point at Wild West Showdown!

...And let's just say that, for example, even if you were, say, in the kitchen back here in Phoenix, maybe making baby food or something, just watching on DNN all by your lonesome? Yeah, watching this kind of nailbiter is quite the experience! Old LT for one was REALLY suffering.

Your own Gratuitous Violet once again shares her thoughts on this leg of the trip:

About half of us stayed at Mama BB's Bed & Breakfast. She also provided a wonderful breakfast before every game for all of us. Having a Derby Mom for travel games is wonderful!!!

I also love meeting new girls, skating with new girls, seeing old girls I used to skate with (shedonist used to skate with AZRD about a year ago until she moved and now she skates with Rat City Rollergirls).

I know Derby News Network has excellent archived bout casts so you can read a play by play on what happened. Hopefully they'll have archived video too.

When games are that close EVERY single action matters and it never relies solely on the jammer. I cannot stress the importance on how everyone (even the people sitting on the bench) needs to be on their A game. One simple slip up, misdirected block or extra penalty could have literally cost us the game.

I'm a little glad that DNN didn't catch my slip up because I'm very embarrassed but it's important that our league (or any aspiring skater) knows about this and hopefully they don't make the same mistake I did. If you read the archived bout cast you notice that I was in the box for a little over 4 minutes. My first penalty was called because I had 4 minors. DNN didn't catch that I was released and sent to the box almost immediately after. Because I'm a dumbass, didn't have my head completely in the game and I stepped on the track in front of the pack and then stepped off. It was dubbed illegal reentry and that constitutes a major. My mistake resulted in a huge advantage for Lava City and was one of the reasons that almost lost us the game (key word is almost).

-G. Violet #142

If you did miss the bout, DNN reports:

Arizona led all through the first half in this one, but Lava City stayed right on their tail for the duration of the opening 30, helped particularly by some smart and effective jamming from their apparent ace Joyride. The AZRD lead didn't get any bigger than 25-12 with about 17:30 left in the half, and most of the rest of the half was Lava crawling back towards them with narrow-margin wins.

Arizona had a 42-31 lead with 11 minutes to go in the half, but Lava made it 42-40 with 7:30 to play. Arizona got a big jam just in time, as Rayna Rage pulled a 13-0. The daylight she'd given her team lasted till halftime, and AZRD held a 68-56 lead at the break.

Lava City almost fell out of contention as the second half started, falling behind 82-58 after three jams and down by 32 points at 130-98 with 13 left to play.

They made the end a thriller, though, nearly erasing a 30 point lead with 4:31 left with the help of a unfortunate penalty avalanche for Arizona. Screamin' Meanie picked up 14-0 on a powerjam, literally scoring the last 4 at the last possible second. On the following jam, Arizona jammer Gratuitous Violet got boxed and Lava City's Joyride scooped up a 5-0. With a timeout and Violet still in the box, Lava had a shot with the score 135-124 and just under a minute on the period clock. Screamin' Meanie picked up lead and 13 points in her jam, but Violet got 3 points out of the box ... exactly how many Arizona needed to hang on the lead, and AZRD escaped with a dramatic 1 point win.

Source: DNN Wild West Showdown Recaps

In the end, in seems like the weekend proves that our new TCT roster bonded well and shows the kind of promise we've all been hoping for. An email from a Lava City coach our Fred got reads:

Date: Wed, 3 Mar 2010 14:08:18 -0800

To the Tent City Terrors,

My name is D'Briefher and I'm a couch with the Lava City Roller Dolls and my girl is Knicker Blocker #8. We just played you guys in one of the most amazing bouts I have ever watched. HOLY COW IT MADE ME FREAKIN CRY!!! We love you guys... Your team has great sportspersonship and amazing skaters all in one... Lots of teams could learn a thing or two from all of you...I'm writing you as my girl Knicker Blocker is a parol officer in her day job and would love to rock one of your Tent City Terrors T's. How would I go about geting a large one of them for her?

Thanks Ladys for an amazing bout...D'Briefher

Our TCTs communicated in ways we'd not seen only weeks before and this kind of pack communication is what can kick it loose for our TCTs like nothing else! It's going to be a hot summer here in Hell City, people...

Watch AZRD on Valley Dish!

2010-03-09T16:29:00.000-08:00

AZRD appeared on Phoenix Channel 12's "Valley Dish" on Tuesday, March 9. Watch the video below!

Wild Wild West: SIN CITY GOES DOWN!

2010-03-09T11:17:00.000-08:00

OUR TCTs CAN LIVE IN SIN...

...NO PROBLEM!

So your very own Tent City Terrors headed out to the Wild West Showdown recently to take in the tournament atmosphere and take on two teams. This segment shows their *overwhelming* win over Las Vegas's Sin City Roller Girls! Many of these AWESOME and exciting shots are courtesy of the amazing Axle Adams, also known as Jules Doyle--an unbelievably generous man who allows people like us to use his work on out blog. Thanks, Jules! The rest are from our very own Rum Bunctious and Yellow Fever! THANK YOU!!!

Our very own Gratuitous Violet has been the only TCT so far to respond to the call to write down what her thoughts have been about the trip. Thanks, Violet! Here is what she says:

I arrived late into Washington and went straight to the hotel.

About half of us stayed at Mama BB's Bed & Breakfast. She also provided a wonderful Breakfast before every game for all of us. Having a Derby Mom for travel games is wonderful!!!

I love TCT away games. The only downside is that they are expensive. But Washington is beautiful its green, and cold and water actually falls from the sky haha!

I also love meeting new girls, skating with new girls, seeing old girls I used to skate with (Shedonist used to skate with AZRD about a year ago until she moved and now she skates with Rat City Rollergirls). I get excited when I meet girls that also skated with my sister. The Philly roller girls and the Gotham girls have sorta a pseudo rivalry between them and many of the girls know my sister quite well (I should say they know her backside quite well).

I know derby news network has excellent archived bout casts so you can read a play by play on what happened. Hopefully they'll have archived video too.

Unfortunately the bout casts doesn't pick up on everything and they mostly focuses on the Jammers. The game is only partially won by our jammers. A LOT of our credit for the win should go to our amazing blockers and pivots. Hacker and Trix were usually in the pack and it was amazing when they were in together. I would also like to give a shout out to our new girls who this was their first WFTDA sanctioned travel game. Rum, Nox, Jules and Vixen (hopefully Rayna will know all of them but I think that's it). They all played wonderfully!!

It's funny that the game against Sin City was the largest win the terrors ever had and the one point difference between us and Lava was the smallest. Blow outs are great for us according to statistics but the closer games are better to watch.

Your pal Lana wonders if the TCTs know how many of us here were watching and cheering you on! We really were. *THAT*, my friends, is derby love!

Big Fish, Little Fish, Red Fish, Stewed Fish...

2010-03-09T09:17:00.000-08:00

AZRD Goes Fishing!

Your old friend Lana Tourniquet was in Califor-nye-ay at the time of the big party so here I sit, just sniffling and looking at photos, feeling sorry for myself. Here is my Ode to Big Fish.

You may find yourself giving Busty's bottom a smack

And you may find yourself at the bar with some smokin' hot girls

You may find someone's ass nearby, and you may wish you could cop a feel

You may find yourself in a noisy bar with your derby wife

You may ask yourself, well, why not have another beer?
Letting the hours go by

Drink yourself another beer

Staring at ______ on the sly

Drink yourself another beer

The party follows me; I guess that means it must be here

Moving on derby time so let's grab another beer

You may ask yourself, how tight can I lace this?

You may ask yourself, who is that skater made of steel?

You may tell yourself, hey, that's not ketchup on his blouse

You may tell yourself, juggling chicks is such a pretty sight

Meant to be home by now

But I had another shot

Gonna stay awhile

Let's all do a round of shots

What the hell is that

Oh, I feel much better now

Moving on derby time come and give playing with us a shot

Keep the love on

But keep it moving

If you like pool watch out for a major commotion

These dudes are scary

Ooooh scary

Not so much

You may ask yourself how does she do that with her mouth?

You may ask yourself what's she gonna do with those frisbees, anyway?

You may say to yourself, Red Rum...

Red

Red

Rum...

You may say to yourself, *&#$**$!!@@!! That was f*cking fun.

Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...
Same as it ever was...

Same as it ever was...

Time isn't holding us...

Time isn't after us...

Same as it ever was...

Same as it ever was...

Moving on derby time...

Moving on derby time...

Moving on derby time...

Moving on derby time...

Written by Talking Heads
Once in a Lifetime by Eno, Brian; Harrison, Jerry; Byrne, David; Weymouth, Tina; Frantz, Chris
Ruined by Lana Tourniquet

Photos by John Panas, Gregory Bian, Rum Bunctious...if I left you off, PLEASE let me know.

Rock and Roll Benefit Show for the Tent City Terrors

2010-03-02T17:13:00.000-08:00

Featuring:
Gomi
Party McFly
Eighth Day
N0th1n6

Friday, March 5
Big Fish Pub
1954 E. University Dr., Tempe
Doors @ 8 PM, $5

There is a long tradition of rock and roll being tied to jails. Elvis’ “Jailhouse Rock.” Johnny Cash at Folsom. The Blues Brothers at the end of the movie. There is an even longer tradition of rock and roll being tied to rebellion and breaking the law. Judas Preist’s “Breakin’ the Law.” A famously raucous performance by Jesus Christ and the Tax Collectors.

The point is, the two are connected at the studded, leather-clad hip. And so it is only natural that when AZ Roller Derby’s all-star travel team, the Tent City Terrors, asked for help, the first dudes to abide came from the rock and roll community.

Gomi, the Pubes, Party McFly, Eighth Day, and N0th1n6 will be playing a show to benefit the Terrors on March 5, at the Big Fish Pub in Tempe (1954 E. University Dr.). Proceeds will go towards supporting the roller derby all-stars ambitious travel schedule, kicking off with 3 tournaments in 3 cities over the next 2 months! The show will start at 8pm, and you can do your part for the great traditions of rock and roll, rebellion, and the pride of AZ’s roller derby for the insanely low price of $5! Seriously, the only way this could be easier is if someone were assigned to rock for you.*

*surrogate rockers available with an additional donation

TCTs vs. Lava City

2010-02-28T10:20:00.001-08:00

DNN reported: Arizona 138, Lava City 137 -- Arizona led all through the first half in this one, but Lava City stayed right on their tail for the duration of the opening 30, helped particularly by some smart and effective jamming from their apparent ace Joyride. The AZRD lead didn't get any bigger than 25-12 with about 17:30 left in the half, and most of the rest of the half was Lava crawling back towards them with narrow-margin wins.

Arizona had a 42-31 lead with 11 minutes to go in the half, but Lava made it 42-40 with 7:30 to play. Arizona got a big jam just in time, as Rayna Rage pulled a 13-0. The daylight she'd given her team lasted till halftime, and AZRD held a 68-56 lead at the break.

Lava City almost fell out of contention as the second half started, falling behind 82-58 after three jams and down by 32 points at 130-98 with 13 left to play.

They made the end a thriller, though, nearly erasing a 30 point lead with 4:31 left with the help of a unfortunate penalty avalanche for Arizona. Screamin' Meanie picked up 14-0 on a powerjam, literally scoring the last 4 at the last possible second. On the following jam, Arizona jammer Gratuitous Violet got boxed and Lava City's Joyride scooped up a 5-0. With a timeout and Violet still in the box, Lava had a shot with the score 135-124 and just under a minute on the period clock. Screamin' Meanie picked up lead and 13 points in her jam, but Violet got 3 points out of the box ... exactly how many Arizona needed to hang on the lead, and AZRD escaped with a dramatic 1 point win.

Source: http://www.derbynewsnetwork.com/2010/02/wws_recaps

.

Birthing the Brats

Join AZRD

Newly Drafted!

Passport of an Arizona Roller Derby Skater

AZRD Finds a Home: Skating the Warehouse

AZRD IN WONDERLAND: FEMME FATALE AWARDS 2010!

Season Eight Schedule!

At Prescott/NAZRD11/13/2010Beaters1/22/2011Surlies2/19/2011Brawlas*Tentative* At Camp Verde/Cottonwood/ Dirty Verde Roller Derby 9/25/2010Surlies4/30/2011Beaters

AZRD Immortalized Forever!

More blog posts soon....

Roller derby saves souls....and digital cameras

Ode to a roller rink

THE END OF AN ERA

Phoenix Women's Sports Association Awards

Experience Your Future Day

Rayna's Farewell Party

Bout Night Approaches!

AZRD Poker Run!

Dating a Rollergirl: A Survival Guide by JOAN OF DARK!!!

We've Got Pride!

Proof!

Dust Devil 2010!

Skating With MS

AZRD on DNN!

Goodbye, Rayna

AZRD rocks out with The Pubes and No Rules Six

Smash Squad Contingent Meets The Oly Rollers

Go, Go Quadzilla!

Saturday Night Double Bout

More Big Fish!

St. Patrick's Day Parade

Holy Nailbiters, Batman! TCTs vs. Lava City!

Watch AZRD on Valley Dish!

Wild Wild West: SIN CITY GOES DOWN!

Big Fish, Little Fish, Red Fish, Stewed Fish...

Rock and Roll Benefit Show for the Tent City Terrors

TCTs vs. Lava City

At Prescott/NAZRD

11/13/2010
Beaters

1/22/2011
Surlies

2/19/2011
Brawlas

Tentative At Camp Verde/Cottonwood/ Dirty Verde Roller Derby

9/25/2010
Surlies

4/30/2011
Beaters